


Some Shrapnel Remains

by delgaserasca



Series: Trek Bingo 2020 [2]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:48:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26223661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delgaserasca/pseuds/delgaserasca
Summary: By the time news had arrived that two of the mines had collapsed, Jim had almost forgotten that’s where Spock had been headed.An away mission goes unexpectedly, disastrously wrong.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Series: Trek Bingo 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1903600
Comments: 6
Kudos: 44
Collections: Star Trek Bingo Summer 2020





	Some Shrapnel Remains

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Trek Bingo 2020; prompt _Presumed Dead_. Thanks to **[Door](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Door)** for the beta!

The thing is— the thing is, they’d been arguing. They’d been arguing, and they’d been invited to Genoa to kick-start talks, and when Spock had been invited on a tour of the mines that had caught the Federation’s attention in the first place, Jim had waved a hand and let him go, the lingering frustration from that morning’s conversation bleeding over into a kind of insouciance he really should have put aside by now. By the time news had arrived that two of the mines had collapsed, Jim had almost forgotten that’s where Spock had been headed.

He can’t forget now.

It’s been almost a day now, and Jim can’t sleep. He’s requested a team beam down to help with the excavation, and while a number of Genoans have been recovered, Spock is still missing. Chekhov’s been running scans for hours, looking for any signs of life, to no avail. Members of Spock’s own team have been retrofitting the scanners to make topological maps of the mines, trying to determine the depth of the tunnels, and whether any of them can be accessed via other means. Jim’s been in touch with the Genoan leadership, sharing any data the Enterprise has in order to speed the rescue efforts, but even he knows the odds aren’t good. The longer it takes them to find Spock, the lower the odds are for his survival. What Jim wouldn’t give to hear him share the probabilities in that clipped, precise way of his, extrapolating to decimals that couldn’t possibly be of any use. Jim spends two consecutive shifts on the bridge, trusting his people to do what needs to be done, and retiring to his ready room when Bones threatens to come at him with a sedative.

He sits with the lights at thirty percent, needing to rest, knowing he can’t, and unwilling to go back to his empty room.

*

One night later, Bones finds him on the observation deck, looking down on the planet below. Search and rescue has been paused for nightfall, allowing the teams to get some well-earned rest before they begin again at first light, but Jim doesn’t know whether he can wait for morning. Gamma shift is continuing to scan for - well, for bodies now. Earlier in the day the people they’d found were mostly unconscious, or injured in some other way. Six Genoan miners walked out from the rubble without a single scratch on them. As the day had drawn on, they’d found fewer and fewer Genoans, and those they’d located had been crushed under the weight of the crumbling rock.

Unexpected seismic activity had triggered the collapse of one of the newer tunnels, and the resulting pressure had buffeted through the network, resulting in a number of secondary, localized shifts. Judging by the itinerary for the tour, Spock and his guide were estimated to be in the deepest recesses of the mines at the time the first mine collapsed. Chances are they weren’t affected directly by that one, but the tunnels are precarious: shifts in foundation can destabilize a wide field, and even if they weren’t in the second mine, it’s likely that its decimation led to a number of minor rock slides - a chain of destruction that means, even if Spock is unharmed, it’s still a race against time to dig him out before he runs out of air.

Jim would go down and pull him out with his own hands if he could, if that were even remotely a thing anyone would let him do.

“You need to sleep,” Bones says, coming to sit next to him. “You’re no use to anyone if you can’t keep it together.”

“We argued,” Jim says, waving his hand, “before we beamed down.”

“That’s not new,” says Bones.

“No,” Jim says, “but what if—" He swallows thickly at the implications. What if he never gets to apologize? Never gets to brush his knuckles across Spock’s fingers, his jaw, through his hair, again? What if the last thing Jim ever said to Spock was said out of carelessness? What if the last time they saw one another was the last time Jim would ever see him?

Bones slings an arm over his shoulder, and pulls him in. He doesn’t offer platitudes. Jim wouldn’t take them if he did.

*

At the top of day four, Command gets in touch with new instructions. The Enterprise is needed to help route ambassadors from Babel back to their respective planets. It’s the kind of milk-run assignment that the Enterprise gets given sometimes, the prestige associated with being the flagship making them the best choice for pomp and ceremony. It takes everything Jim has not to tell Command where they can stick their updated orders.

They don’t need to set off for another 12 hours, so Jim tells Uhura to acknowledge the missive, and then hands the conn to Sulu.

“Sir?”

“I’m heading to the surface,” he says. “I’ll be back before we need to head out.”

Bones meets him in the transporter room, med kit in hand. Jim wonders whether he wants him to have need to use it or not.

*

All reports indicate that the mines are stable now, though the ground needs re-excavating. Teams have been working almost without pause to re-open the tunnels, to re-fortify them so that progress can be made. Where the structures are too unstable, new tunnels have been drilled, then strengthened with scaffolding. Even when the rescue teams aren’t digging out the shafts, there are people carting away the rocks, helping to build the scaffolds and support beams. When Jim arrives, the second party of the day is about to head in. There’s nine people still unaccounted for, including Spock and his guide. The others were the shift foreman and her crew, and a messenger who happened to be caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. The rescue teams have already retrieved almost forty-eight people, some injured, some dead. The Genoan mining operation is not insignificant.

The last of his own crew had beamed up that morning, recalled to the ship with instructions not to report to duty for twenty-four hours, in preparation for their departure to Babel. Jim leaves Bones on the surface, and, donning protective gear, is beamed down into the mines with the second team. The earlier excavations have allowed the miners to clear out the tunnels in sections, leaving clearings that look like rooms every fifty klicks or so. It’s possible to teleport at short range between the clearings on the top and second level, but from there the trek is manual - the Genoans have rigged a mechanism to lower the team down to the fourth level, and from there they proceed on foot. They’re on a slight decline, and Jim has to watch his footing.

The light from the team’s lamps catches a blue-green iridescence in the rock face. Jim remembers Spock’s briefing earlier in the week - the dilithium isn’t pure; it’s mixed with a number of other compounds, and has to be refined into usable crystals. The iridescence is beautiful, but indicates that the source is impure. It can’t be used as is, because it’s not half as effective at stemming the flow of antimatter. “However,” Spock had added, “it is not without its own uses. The Genoans use the compound, which they have named Dylium, as building material. It can withstand both hot and cold temperatures, and is impervious to wear.” Jim had thought at the time how that sounded like Spock: a child of two worlds, not pure of either, but better for it nonetheless. He draws his fingers across the rock face and wonders whether Spock had found the colors beautiful, or whether there had been something else down here that he had found of interest.

They were the same, Jim thinks. Good enough by themselves; better together. He doesn’t know what he’d been so scared of, why he hadn’t just said yes when Spock had asked to move in. How could he have thought that keeping Spock at arm’s length could be better for them than having him in his arms?

*

The party makes it as far as the next cave in, and Jim gets to work, hands to the rubble, taking it down one piece at a time. He doesn’t care about his Captaincy; just keeps his head down and does what he’s told. They clear the space, and find only darkness beyond it, so Jim helps them put up the stabilizing beams, knocking them into the walls and the ground so that they sit neatly. If the Genoans think it strange that he should be so willing to get his hands dirty, they don’t say anything. They pass him water at intervals, but otherwise leave him be.

He passes the day that way, aching and sweating within the confined space, the labor helping to clear his mind of grief and regret.

*

When they call time, they’ve not found anyone else, but they’ve cleared another tunnel. Another team will come down to replace them, and if they find Spock, the Federation will be notified. Jim’s not been able to check in, this far underground, but he knows it’s near enough time to be heading back up to the ship.

Emerging into the day, Jim squints against the sudden wave of light. The air is clearer on the surface; there’s a breeze. He feels his chest constrict. Somewhere up above, the Enterprise is in orbit, waiting for her Captain, ready for her next mission. Nothing feels more pointless than this. They survived the Narada, Khan and Krall, and for what? For Jim to speed off into the black by himself? He can’t do it. No one can reasonably ask it of him.

“The hell have you been?” Bones yells, grabbing him by the arms. “We’ve been calling you for hours!"

“The comms don’t reach that far,” Jim says, pulled out from his reverie. “You know that.” He sees something frantic in Bones’ expression. “What is it? What happened?”

“They found him, Jim,” says Bones. “They found Spock.”

*

They’re halfway to Babel by the time Spock wakes. Jim doesn’t let go of his hand the whole time.

> _You want to take back  
>  the ugly thing you said, but some shrapnel  
>  remains in the wound, some mud._
> 
> _**— Dean Young, Poem Without Forgiveness** _

**END.**

**Author's Note:**

> Title and epigraph from Dean Young's [Poem Without Forgiveness](https://motherground.tumblr.com/post/141080243555/poem-without-forgiveness), which isn't quite right, but the quoted lines sure are.


End file.
